Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Break my heart for what breaks yours

So this week has been super awesome. I felt busy last week and felt it come Sunday. While at church, I decided to commit to waking up an hour earlier each day to have time for coffee and reading my Bible. It has been a struggle but the feeling has been worth it. As I read through James 3, particularly through verses 13-18, I started thinking about my chosen career path. In history, we discuss how basically everything is a social construct, especially religion. I have always just kind of put this argument off and stated that I can agree up to the point of religion. I was thinking about how to reconcile the two, religion and social constructs, and came up with the following conclusion: I can believe that religion is a social construct. Man determines how religion with be acted out on the day to day and as we see in history, Christians have definitely manipulated God's word to do some pretty atrocious things. But what is awesome is that even is accepting that religion may be a construct and I can believe with confidence that God is not. No, I have not come up with concrete, scientific proof or wondrous, eloquent words of rational thought that will prove to every person that God exists, but I can still see the truth. In my life and the course of history, I find it impossible to deny God's presence. I have seen Him too concretely to ever turn from Him. I see Him in the pages of my history books and it breaks my heart that my professors cannot see Him. I do not doubt their brains because these are incredibly gifted individuals and I respect them. But the truth is that there is a God who loves them, but their hearts are not open to the possibility.

As I sat in one of my classes today, I prayed the lyrics from the song "Hosanna" which read:
Break my heart for what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I wrote these words into my notes, I started sobbing. My professor for this class is one that I truly care about and I can just see that his heart is so opposed to the love of Christ. I do not think this is from lack of intelligence. This is a brilliant man whom I have come to respect and admire greatly. But his intense disdain for Christianity hurts. I am worried that I will not get to share eternity worshiping our creator with him and  that he will be forever separated from God's love. I know that God's feelings in this matter are even stronger than mine, but sometimes I wish God would just soften hearts that I feel are impenetrable. I feel as though I suck at being a follower of Christ because I am not able to say something that inspires this professor to think differently. In fact, I rarely talk to him about these things because I just feel rejected before I even begin.

I know that God loves this professor even more than I do. I know that God is the one who softens the ground. I know that God will ultimately prevail. I am just so sad by the current state of affairs.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Welcome to my new blog. With the start of a new season in my life, I figured it was about time to start a new blog. As I have been studying God's word this past semester, the reoccurring theme in what I have read is "Do Not Fear." I drew from Lamentations 3: 55-58, which states,
I called on your name, O Lord,
    from the depths of the pit;
56 you heard my plea, ‘Do not close
    your ear to my cry for help!’
57 You came near when I called on you;
    you said, ‘Do not fear!’
58 “You have taken up my cause, O Lord;
    you have redeemed my life.

This is what I want to walk in this next season, as with all the days of my life. I will post what I am struggling with, the work I am doing, as well as random thoughts. Thanks for taking the time to walk on this journey with me.